Why decluttering needs diplomacy
Why decluttering needs diplomacy Written by a client of Every Home Matters. "Being a bit of a squirrel means I can get very sentimental about my stuff. I was always fascinated and amused at the way the Mona Lisa – considered to be one of world’s greatest artistic icons, was ‘abused’ by mischievous designers. Over three decades, I amassed thousands of items of abused Mona Lisa printed, painted and handmade ephemera. Moving four years ago meant that three large packing cases were needed to house the collection for removal. And there they have stayed ever since, still unopened…* De-cluttering takes finesse 'Cheryl Carter runs Every Home Matters, a company that de-clutters older people’s homes in south west London. Here, she tells me a bit about [...]
How to Calm anxiety in 3 simple steps
How to Calm anxiety in 3 simple steps. Is anxiety affecting you, your family or your friends? Anxiety is a normal human response to some situations, but the problem is when it starts to control your life. Anxiety disturbs your peace stopping you doing what you want to and may create physical symptoms such as unwanted emotions, heart racing, shortness of breath and nausea. The good new is you can recover from anxiety and anxiety disorders. There is help and support available. Let’s start transforming your anxiety today. Here are 3 games with 3 interesting facts to bring you more peace and calm. Play these games, don't read them and think I'll do this later try them out, see how it feels when you do. 1. GET PRESENT. INTERESTING FACT: Thoughts are [...]
Loneliness, isolation and losing your independence
Loneliness, isolation and losing your independence Working hard and socialising is something we all try to balance and when we get it right, we don’t have a care in the world. We live for the moment and though we may try and make provisions for difficult times, we can never be certain of what is to come, nor of the trauma or shock that change can bring. There are some scenarios in life that can yield a profound, detrimental effect upon a person, in which case mental health conditions can all too easily arise. But when these scenarios are compounded with factors such as illness, disability, age and pre-existing mental health conditions, loneliness, isolation, and a feeling of betrayal by loved ones can be [...]
Managing the home both during and after a divorce
Managing the home both during and after a divorce Moving and divorce are both listed amongst the most stressful things we will experience in our lives, but it does not have to be! Holding on to feelings of hurt, anger, resentment, retribution is damaging for everyone around us, especially when children are involved. There is an old Buddhist quote “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned!" The sale of the matrimonial home, which is owned jointly, can be a very emotional time for everyone and can be made worse when your partner has severe depression and is in denial. The home becomes neglected and the [...]
Working through the stress and finding your mojo!
Working through the stress and finding your mojo! Life can be so stressful and unpredictable, more so when we are up against it and no matter what we do we just cannot find a breakthrough. Many of my clients, are extremely intelligent, are highflyers with huge responsibilities or deadlines to work to. The adrenaline when we are flying high keeps you going, motivates us, and breeds success. But the more successful we get the more we take on and the more we want to succeed, but at what cost? Add to this any life-changing experiences, ill health, bereavement, or family matters, and the outcome could be devastating. To lose your job can be devastating, for many people it is their life and offers financial [...]
Hoarding and no one would have a clue?
About the Client Miss B is a middle-aged woman living alone and in isolation, in a one-bedroom, top floor apartment. The apartment forms part of a four-storey block of flats with no lift and is owned by a Housing Association. Her challenge. Miss B had been abused as a child, experienced heartache and several bereavements, including that of her mother who she had cared for, in her apartment, in the later part of her life. Being unable to cope with the overwhelming emotions of loss and betrayal, led to anxiety and depression, resulting in hoarding tendencies. Having watched television programmes on hoarding, she lived in fear of being judged and shamed, so she kept it secret from everyone, so no one had a clue. [...]
7 stages of grief and loss
This is a guest blog by Jo Tocher giving you insights to the 7 stages of grief and loss. Apart from losing our freedom by being in quarantine and lockdown, we are also losing our work, our businesses, and sadly some family members to the virus. One of the most difficult things to deal with is when a loved one is taken to hospital and family members are not allowed to accompany them. We understand why this is, but we can’t grasp it on an emotional level. It raises all sorts of insecurities and anxiety within us. We are put on high alert, and go into “fight or flight’ mode. Our adrenaline and cortisol is pumping around the body, as if we were being [...]
Buyers Advocate
Buyers Advocate Buying a house is one of the single largest investments and one of the most stressful processes we will undertake during our lives. Throw other factors into the equation; work commitments and family matters for example and sometimes this process can become a very difficult and painful challenge particularly at times of illness, divorce or bereavement. This is where the services of a “buyers advocate” can be crucial; knowing how to relate to each individual's personal situation, liaising with local estate agents and solicitors, organising removal and re-settling services. If you are looking for help to move, Contact Us today and we will help you every step of the way.
Living Alongside Mental Health Disorder
Living Alongside Mental Health Disorder Depression can arise from many sources: childbirth, bereavement, relationship issues, financial concerns, work or the lack of it. There are so many people struggling with everyday worries and stress which, when coupled with a significant life experience, can boil over and have a detrimental effect on anyone. Some people will seek help with this, however there are a large number who continue on in denial to an unhealthy and potentially dangerous degree. Watching the slow decline of a loved one and the change in their behaviour and personality can be both distressing and terrifying, particularly if the individual is becoming abusive. Their self-respect may wane, neglect may creep in, their personal hygiene may deteriorate, their sleep pattern may become [...]
Nondisclosure and Concealment of Mental Health
Nondisclosure and Concealment of Mental Health The past few decades have seen a huge growth in public awareness regarding mental health disorders, but until relatively recently, many such conditions were widely overlooked by the general population. Though medical professionals are now better equipped to detect such conditions, a historical lack of diagnosis paired with the societal stigma of mental illness most likely means that those affected were frequently either unaware of their condition or were keen to hide it. Families too would often resist attempts at diagnosis or would cover-up and downplay any signs of mental illness displayed by their relatives, more urgently so for those with specific cultural and social backgrounds who regard mental illness as a more defined taboo. In my experience, [...]
Like a tree I stand tall, a poem to inspire you
Keep going! Like a tree I stand tall. A poem to inspire you, by Cheryl Carter. 'Like a tree I stand tall, my roots firmly grounded as I grow. Where naivety to the storms and diseases of life once stood, I accept whatever the conditions and go with the flow. Being put to the test the wind blows so strong, that sometimes I feel as though I am going to break. I surprise myself and remain flexible, bending and going with the flow. Slowly the storm calms and I still stand tall, albeit a bit shaken and battered. Time is a great healer; gradually I am beginning to heal. I am not quite the same as before, but the storm has taught me survival [...]
Our Founders Story – Cheryl Carter
Our Founders story - an interview by Dorota Chioma. The article was written by Time to Change Kingston Champion, Dorota Chioma. She explores the varying states concerning the mind and mental health and created the Venusian Guide to Kingston - Mental Health Zine as a project for TTC Kingston Hub. This publication explores the town of Kingston from many different perspectives and brings to light some amazing people and services who support mental health in their community. Here is the interview by Dorota. I met with Cheryl Carter virtually due to the pandemic restrictions. I found her story very inspiring and her creativity contagious:) This is what she told me in her own words. My life journey has been marked with trauma. Although some [...]
Decluttering and home adaptations to aid discharge from hospital
Getting the home ready to see your loved ones settled again when back from hospital can be a busy time for carers and is so beneficial to those we are looking after. Why Declutter? Decluttering and organising the home at a time of illness or lack of mobility not only reduces any risks of accidents but enables independent living with the support of carers. Working with occupational therapists, social workers, and rehabilitation teams we assist patients who are being discharged from hospital. Some cases are individuals who are living alone with no family, whilst others are where the unpaid carer is struggling to cope. Their pride has prohibited any assistance from outside and has meant they were living off the radar, that is until [...]
Unconditional Love Is A Wonderful Thing
Unconditional Love Is A Wonderful Thing Parents will always worry over their children’s well-being and success, sometimes to the extent that it is all too easy for us to become obsessive or competitive. But when we get caught up in ensuring that our children obtain high-income jobs and high-level qualifications, we can fail to recognise and appreciate other positive qualities that are equally valuable and worth nurturing; qualities which are crucially learned from environmental factors such as family and not from a textbook. Dementia and decluttering assistance I have been assisting a client in the early stages of dementia with decluttering his home in advance of his move into a care home. His wife passed away four years ago and his daughter has been [...]
“Which” Top Reasons For Writing A Will
“Which” Top Reasons For Writing A Will When writing a will, you don't just decide how your estate is divided up! You also have a say as to WHO should look after your dependents, your pets, your digital assets, and the list goes on! Here is the Which guide to Top Reasons for Writing a Will. If you need more help, please contact Cheryl Carter, Every Home Matters. We have solicitors we can put you in touch with or see our Support Directory. Make a will to name your children's guardian If your children are under 18, you can also appoint their legal guardians. If you don't, the decision could be left to the family courts, who may choose a person you wouldn't agree [...]
Declutter as neglect or hoarding problems pose a risk to health and safety.
Declutter as neglect or hoarding problems pose a risk to health and safety. In my personal and professional life, it has been my experience that many individuals who are living with cognitive impairment or have been institutionalised, find it difficult to cope with maintaining their home once they return to independent life. Conditions such as depression can be disabling. With many individuals struggling to look after themselves let alone their environment, mental health issues may arise. Adjusting to this new way of life can also seem all the more daunting when you have become accustomed to having it handled by someone else. It is typical for many of my clients to have been instructed by family, friends, landlords or housing associations to acquire assistance [...]
Keeping the matrimonial home after divorce
Keeping the matrimonial home after divorce Divorce does not necessarily mean the disposal of the family matrimonial home and if financially feasible it can be agreed until the children reach a certain age. By doing so it can relieve the stress of having to downsize and most importantly will give the children maintain familiarity in the midst of a very stressful time. However being a single parent juggling a hundred and one things at a time can mean that the home can often be the last thing on our minds or sometimes you just can’t find the enthusiasm or energy to face doing anything. Before you know it the rooms need de-cluttering, the dripping tap still drips, the place needs redecorating, the garden is [...]
You owe yourself the love that you so freely give to other people
You owe yourself the love that you so freely give to other people Love can be so strong and positive when it’s a two-way thing. It can build bridges and be so uplifting, but what do we you do when the one you love is no longer there or they no longer love you? We naturally think that our loved ones will always love us unconditionally and never imagine what life would be like without them. So how do we cope when suddenly, either due to bereavement, divorce, separation or illness, those ties are suddenly severed? Having experienced first-hand the impact of dementia and mental health within my own family, I’ve seen how quickly personalities and behaviour can change, how empathy and love can [...]
The early stages of dementia and intermittent memory loss
The early stages of dementia and intermittent memory loss The early stages of dementia can bring with it intermittent memory loss, which may not be diagnosed at the time of carrying out a capacity test. Many people fear the diagnosis of dementia and when in denial find a way to play this. Signs to look out for The concern is when an individual who has been suffering a mental health illness over the years and is living alone starts displaying self-neglect and neglect of their living environment. When this happens it is easy to think that this is part of their illness and dementia can go misdiagnosed. This was the case of one client I was asked to visit. His son had contacted me [...]
What happens when a loved one dies? Video from probate to trusted advisors
What happens when a loved one dies? The process leading to probate and trusted advisors This video is an overview of the process leading to trusted advisors. Are you unsure about the probate process? Have you recently been appointed to administer an estate? Or are you a Solicitor looking for independent trusted advisors to work with? This video explains the importance of using independent and qualified advisors to value the assets. Including the Property and the contents of the property. Contact Us today or have a look at our Support Directory for advice.
No time for Mum & Dad
We were called in via an elderly clients’ solicitor to assist in collating some vital paperwork. Our clients are an elderly couple, Mr being 90 years old and his wife 85 years old. Mr has dementia and suffered PTSD since the war and Mrs who was having falls and losing her memory, was his sole carer. Their only child lived miles away and had a high flying job which demanded most of their time thus making it difficult to look after or facilitate care needs for their parent. Our initial free consultation flagged up many concerns and although it is all so easy to rush in to safe guarding the couple, one must look at the bigger picture and the impact of doing so [...]
Mother Nature Can Teach Us So Much
How mother nature can teach us so much. Life is constantly changing, and we need to be able to adapt to those situations as and when they arise. This is easier said than done and when we are in the thick of it, it can be hard to see that when life is stagnant, we need to look at ways to move forward. Like stagnant water, nothing will grow or change, but rot and decay! Loss of any kind can be hard to come to terms with and we look for answers around us questioning what we could have done differently or why this has happened. By doing so we are focusing our thoughts on the negative emotions which will only keep us trapped [...]
Improve your Wellbeing with Alternative Therapies
Improve your Well-being with Alternative Therapies In a world surrounded by people and social media, you can still feel alone. To grow up in a family whether unconditionally loved or not, having others around you to interact with, stimulate the mind and encourage change for good or bad reasons, is an interaction that makes us move forward. However, to unexpectedly find yourself in a situation where it is all stripped away from you can be heartbreaking and the feeling of grief and loss can be overwhelming. It is in this time of strife and an immense feeling of loss that we should try and look at it from a different perspective … for everything we experience in life is a lesson. What are we [...]
Nothing Is Forever, even our worries
Nothing Is Forever, Even Our Worries I had the pleasure of being in the company of a truly inspirational 91-year-old gentleman, living in Northwood and looking to downsize his family home. He has the energy of someone in their 70’s and even looked it! It was a privilege to hear him talk about his experience of having to leave Germany, during the Second World War, at the age of 10, along with one of his sisters. His parents had escaped to Turkey and then eventually made their way to the USA. Unfortunately, however, they could only take one of their three children with them and had to make that painful decision. As a parent myself, I could not help but feel their anguish. He [...]
Overwhelmed with paperwork? Help to stop circumstantial hoarding.
Overwhelmed with paperwork? How we helped stop circumstantial hoarding. About the Client “Mr and Mrs M are a a retired couple living alone in a large 3-bedroom house. Mr M is in his 90’s, has dementia, is hard of hearing and has suffers night terrors ever since serving in the forces. Mrs M who was also in her 90’s was an accountant and had always managed their finances and investments, however, she has been unable to do so due to memory loss and poor eyesight. Their Challenge Mr and Mrs M’S solicitor had contacted Every Home Matters as they had been clients of this firm for some time. They had previously prepared their Wills and Power of Attorney and were in the process of [...]
Sudden realisation and acceptance that we are losing our independence, mobility, and the ability to cope
Sudden realisation and acceptance that we are losing our independence, mobility, and the ability to cope The sudden realisation and acceptance that we are losing our independence, mobility, and the ability to cope can be hard to come to terms with, especially when we have lived a full life and been very active and independent. Asking for help can also be difficult when you have never relied on anyone but yourself. So, the sudden realisation that the property is too much to maintain comes as a mighty shock, as too can the fact that we require care. De-cluttering a person’s home is always different for everyone, but the one recurring and challenging aspect of this work is how they will react to the change [...]
Mental Capacity Test
Mental Capacity Test The Mental Capacity Act (MCA) is designed to protect and empower people who may lack the mental capacity to make their own decisions about their care and treatment. It applies to people aged 16 and over. It covers decisions about day-to-day things like what to wear or what to buy for the weekly shop, or serious life-changing decisions like whether to move into a care home or have major surgery. Examples of people who may lack capacity include those with: dementia a severe learning disability a brain injury a mental health illness a stroke unconsciousness caused by an anaesthetic or sudden accident But just because a person has one of these health conditions does not necessarily mean they lack the capacity [...]
The Advantages of Selling “Homes Under the Hammer”
The Advantages of Selling “Homes Under the Hammer” Are you looking to sell a property? You have probably investigated all the traditional methods and have decided there is likely only one way - to go with an estate agent and hope for the best. With over thirty years' experience in real estate, witnessing many scenarios and a changing housing market, I believe that there is another way forward when it comes to selling your property. Selling a property at auction may not have occurred to you, but it can be a great way to make the sale you want. If you want to find out how this could work for you, Philip Arnold, from Arnold Auctioneers provides the following information. Philip has wealth of [...]
Petition to allow communication with medical professionals about the health of our loved ones
Petition to allow communication with medical professionals about the health of our loved ones Reformation of patient confidentiality protocols is long overdue in particular regard to the health and wellbeing, mental illness, and loss of capacity of our loved ones, within the health and social care services. Unless a power of attorney is appointed, patient confidentiality protocols currently prevent family members from discussing their loved ones’ diagnoses, medication, and personal needs with their GPs when it is in the interest of the patient. These protocols need to be reformed. For example, in cases where a person's mental illness and/or loss of capacity may profoundly affect both them and their family members, and where those family members can assist in reaching a satisfactory outcome for [...]
Living with dementia and struggling at home?
Living with dementia and struggling to manage at home? EHM was asked to provide a consultation with a client who’s Father has dementia and was struggling to manage his home. The gentleman was living on his own; in a two bedroom split level maisonette. The maisonette was part of a purpose built complex and was accessible via two flights of external concrete stairs wells. The gentleman in question is in his 70’s and living on his own – he had been since an amicable divorce. His ex-wife who he had retained a good relationship with had passed away a year ago; his son has disabilities and lives in full time residential care and his daughter was working and trying to manage everything on her [...]
Personal Maintenance when living with cognitive impairment
Personal Maintenance when living with cognitive impairment In my personal and professional life, it has been my experience that many individuals who are living with cognitive impairment or have been institutionalised, find it difficult to cope with maintaining their home once they return to independent living. Conditions such as depression can be disabling, with many individuals struggling to look after themselves let alone their environment. Coping with this task and adjusting to this new way of life can also seem all the more daunting when you have become accustomed to having it handled by someone else. It is typical for many of my clients to have been instructed by family, friends, landlords, or housing associations to acquire assistance with decluttering and home organising when [...]
Financial Care Solutions
Financial Care Solutions Having known Cartiona Lumiste for several years on a professional level and as a fellow Trustee at Carers Support in Merton I value not only her professionalism but her integrity and honesty. It is, for this reason, I asked her to provide a blog… Who cares about care? It’s not easy going through the experience of finding the right care for a loved one. It is an emotional time that involves lots of decision-making and feelings of being overwhelmed, and a complicated system to navigate as you embark on the care journey. A common theme I find is that people are concerned about making decisions around the right type of care and the cost that comes with it, which is often [...]
Professional Advice and Support During Divorce
Professional Advice and Support During Divorce Divorce is often described as bereavement. Accepting change can be difficult, coming to terms of the loss of a relationship, the home and sentimental possessions can soon fuel our emotions, resulting in aggression, bullying, and controlling behaviour. For the person on the receiving end of this hostility, it can be very intimidating and difficult to negotiate the smallest issues, let alone the division of the home and its contents. By preparing an independent inventory of all the possession at the beginning of the divorce and copying in both solicitors, the assets can be distributed. Clinging on to possessions of no value out of spite and removing items from the matrimonial home without consent only adds more fuel to [...]
Benefits of Every Home Matters
Are you looking for extra support for a family member? Do you need support with independent living? Here are some of the many benefits of Every Home Matters and how we help our clients. ✅ Supporting clients through life-changing situations; illness, age, disabilities, bereavement, mental health issues ✅ Supporting clients in managing and keeping on top of general maintenance and cleanliness of the home, thus preventing squalor ✅ Improving the living environment and clients’ well-being ✅ Reducing the risk of fire from hoarding ✅ Combatting loneliness and isolation ✅ Improving clients’ confidence and self-esteem ✅ Optimising the value of the home ✅ Protecting clients’ valuable possessions by working with auction houses and insurance companies ✅ Preventing scams and exploitation by rogue traders ✅ Preventing [...]
A Chartered Surveyors Guide to RICS Probate Valuations
A Chartered Surveyors Guide to RICS Probate Valuations Dealing with the complexities of probate and inheritance tax can become less stressful if you find an auctioneer who specialises in valuations in this field. This article explores ‘What is an RICS Probate Valuation?’, and looks at the best source of help in evaluating property in someone’s estate. What are RICS Probate Valuations? This term refers to valuations carried out using the Royal Institution of Chartered Surveyors (RICS) Professional Standards. The RIC has created a set of mandatory guides for chartered surveyors to use to ensure property appraisals are always conducted in a fair and consistent manner. Another common term for property assessments provided under the RICS professional standards is ‘Red Book’ valuations. Why do you [...]
The Value of Independent Care Advice
The Value of Independent Care Advice Before making any decisions about eldercare options you will want to make sure that you are obtaining accurate and relevant information from a reliable and well-informed source. My 20 year's Nursing Experience I am a registered nurse who qualified from Guys Hospital in London in 1983 and who has gained varied experience in both private and public healthcare sectors. I have enjoyed all of the aspects of my nursing career but in particular, it has been my privilege and pleasure to provide independent care advice to older people and their families for over 20 years now. My registration with the Nursing and Midwifery Council together with my membership of the Care Adviser Network and affiliate membership of the [...]
How Learning to Love Yourself Brings Inner Strength
How Learning to Love Yourself Brings Inner Strength and Peace. Love can be so strong and positive when it’s a two-way thing. It can build bridges and be so uplifting, but what do you do when the one you love is no longer there or they no longer love you? We naturally think that our loved ones will always love us unconditionally and never imagine what life would be like without them. So how do we cope when suddenly, either due to bereavement, divorce, separation, or illness, those ties are suddenly severed? Having experienced first-hand the impact of dementia and mental health within my own family, I’ve seen how quickly personalities and behaviour can change, how empathy and love can fade away and be [...]
Would a stranger, who does not know your child be the best person to decide about their welfare?
Would a stranger, who does not know your child be the best person to decide about their welfare? Up to the age of 18, children have the protection of their parents, thereafter they are suddenly classed as an adult with sometimes complete strangers making decisions about their welfare and well-being. In most families, parents are the ones children trust and turn to for protection and reassurance. Knowing their child’s physiological, emotional and physical needs, past history and what triggers certain behaviour or symptoms, is paramount in any scenario, particularly when it is their mental health that is being questioned. Why should this then change as soon as a child reaches the age of 18? What happens if they have not appointed an appropriate adult [...]
The Importance of Appointing a Power of Attorney
Why make a Lasting Power of Attorney? Lasting Powers of Attorney (LPAs) are legal documents that allow you to appoint someone to manage financial affairs and other matters on your behalf during your lifetime. 1. Property and Financial Affairs: This allows one or more people (referred to as Attorneys) to act in relation to all ownership of assets and manage your financial affairs. This includes selling your house or managing bank accounts. 2. Health and Welfare: This allows the attorney to make decisions about day-to-day care and medical treatment. Your attorney or attorneys must always act in your best interest, so it is vital that you appoint people in whom you have complete confidence. Making an LPA avoids the need for complicated legal proceedings [...]
How we decluttered a man’s home living alone with dementia and what happened next.
How we decluttered a man’s home living alone with dementia and what happened next. Parents will always worry over their children’s well-being and success, sometimes to the extent that it is all too easy for us to become obsessive or competitive. But when we get caught up in ensuring that our children obtain high-income jobs and high-level qualifications, we can fail to recognise and appreciate other positive qualities that are equally valuable and worth nurturing; qualities which are crucially learned from environmental factors such as family and not from a textbook. I have been assisting a client in the early stages of dementia with decluttering his home in advance of his move into a care home. His wife passed away four years ago and [...]
Find our strength in adversity. A poem for you.
Finding our strength in adversity. I wrote a poem to give me strength during my personal journey. I hope you enjoy it and it brings you strength too. "Like a tree I stand tall, my roots firmly grounded as I grow. Where naivety to the storms and diseases of life once stood, I accept whatever the conditions and go with the flow. Being put to the test the wind blows so strong, that sometimes I feel as though I am going to break. I surprise myself and remain flexible, bending and going with the flow. Slowly the storm calms and I still stand tall, albeit a bit shaken and battered. Time is a great healer; gradually I am beginning to heal. I am not [...]
Why Don’t You? Remember that?
"Why Don't You? Why Don't You Just Switch Off Your Television Set and Go and Do Something Less Boring Instead?" For those of you too young to remember this was a BBC children's television series that started back in the '70s. Quite apt when you think how much time we spend in front of our screens now! For me growing up in the 70's was a time of freedom, being individual, connecting within the community, being creative and using our imagination to stimulate the brain. This came easily as there was not the competition or pressure on children to perform and the expectation that they excel at absolutely everything. We were free to explore and find our own passions, so that we could be [...]
Wise words from 2 men I admire; one downsizing, one my Dad.
Wise words from 2 men I admire; one downsizing, one my Dad. I had the pleasure of being in the company of a truly inspirational 91-year-old gentleman, living in Northwood and looking to downsize his family home. He has the energy of someone in their 70’s and even looked it! It was a privilege to hear him talk about his experience of having to leave Germany, during the Second World War, at the age of 10, along with one of his sisters. His parents had escaped to Turkey and then eventually made their way to the USA. Unfortunately, however, they could only take one of their three children with them and had to make that painful decision. As a parent myself I could not [...]
Fear, Denial, Anger and Acceptance in a mammogram centre
Fear, denial, anger and acceptance in a mammagram centre Having had my mammogram and ultrasound I returned to the waiting area and as I took my seat I began anxiously to wonder whether the results would be positive or negative. The wait felt like an eternity, and my thoughts drifted before realising how many other individuals were sitting around me; my thoughts turned to them. Being a people person I love to talk to everyone and so I soon discovered that some of these people had previously been diagnosed with cancer and were there for further consultation and treatment, whilst others were in remission and there for follow-up appointments. Others sat there anxiously like me, waiting and contemplating what fate has in store for [...]
9 ways to cope when love is one sided.
9 ways to cope when love is one-sided. Love can be so strong and positive when it’s a two-way thing. It can build bridges and be so uplifting, but what do we you do when the one you love is no longer there or they no longer love you? When love is one-sided? We naturally think that our loved ones will always love us unconditionally and never imagine what life would be like without them. So how do we cope when suddenly, either due to bereavement, divorce, separation or illness, those ties are suddenly severed? Having experienced first-hand the impact of dementia and mental health within my own family, I have seen how quickly personalities and behaviour can change, how empathy and love can [...]
Case Study 5: “Mrs H” Downsizing property after the death of her husband
About the Client “Mrs H” is an elderly lady, who is looking to downsize her property after the death of her husband. She contacted Every Home Matters for emotional support as she had to give up some of the family possessions as well as the logistics required in moving. Their Challenge Mrs H and her husband had lived in the family home for several decades but her husband’s passing had motivated her to move on. Their children, who were now grown up with children of their own, had busy lifestyles and demanding careers so sorting through Mr H’s possessions was not only painful but very inconvenient for them. Mrs H had not moved house for many years, so there were a lot of possessions [...]
Widowed and no family available to assist with downsizing
Widowed and no family available to assist with downsizing Mrs S and her husband had lived in their family home for sixty years. They had raised their family there, celebrated many milestone occasions, and shared many happy moments. Mr S had worked in a bank and so they entertained many friends and colleagues. Then a year ago Mr S passed away and left a big void for Mrs S as they meant everything to each other. They doted on their children, who were now grown up with children of their own and had busy lifestyles and demanding careers; so dealing with his possessions was not only painful but very difficult. Mrs S's financial consultant who is a SOLLA member had recommended our services as [...]
What to do with immense feelings of loss
What to do with immense feelings of loss In a world surrounded by people and social media, you can still feel alone. To grow up in a family whether unconditionally loved or not, having others around you to interact with, stimulate the mind and encourage change for good or bad reasons, is an interaction that makes us move forward. However, to unexpectedly find yourself in a situation where it is all stripped away from you can be heartbreaking and the feeling of grief and loss can be overwhelming. It is in this time of strife and an immense feeling of loss that we should try and look at it from a different perspective … for everything we experience in life is a lesson. What [...]
Taking care of Mum and Dad for you when your job won’t let you.
Taking care of Mum and Dad for you, when your job won't let you. We were called in via an elderly clients’ solicitor to assist in collating some vital paperwork. Our clients are an elderly couple, Mr R being 90 years old and his wife 85 years old. Mr R has dementia and has suffered PTSD since the war, and Mrs R was having falls and losing her memory, and was Mr R's sole carer. Their only child lived miles away and had a high-flying job that demanded most of their time thus making it difficult to look after or facilitate care needs for their parent. Our initial free consultation flagged up many concerns and although it is all so easy to rush into [...]
Fear of Loneliness and Isolation in Death
Fear of Loneliness and Isolation in Death An increasing population means an increasing number of people living alone and in isolation, and their fear of something happening to them without anyone knowing can cause terrible anxiety. As an estate agent, I witnessed many upsetting scenarios such as this, but it still shocks me when I must face one of the most difficult tasks my profession can present and walk into a home where someone has died alone. Today was one such scenario, as I accompanied a specialist company which enters these situations on a regular basis. Sadly, the resident had died almost two months ago and remained undiscovered until only recently. Although her body had been removed, the odour and the abundance of flies [...]
Case Study 3: “Mr P” Social Services appointed us to manage the logistics of his move.
Case Study 3 'Mr P': Social Services appointed us to manage the logistics of his move. About the Client “Mr P” is an elderly gentleman living with his dog in a three-bedroom property that he owns outright. He is infirm, struggles to walk upstairs using two walking sticks, and also suffers from self-neglect. He has a son who has previously physically abused him and exploited him, and there is currently a restraining order in place. Their Challenge Mr. P had been served a court order to vacate his premises but he was unwilling to do this or even engage in conversation with social services to discuss his options. Social Services contacted Every Home Matters to help engage in the discussion, and help him with [...]
Case Study 2: “Mr B” From Cleaning to Counselling to support independent living
From Cleaning to Counselling to support independent living About the Client “Mr B” is a retired gentleman living alone in a large 3 bedroom house. He is a former builder, however, he has been unable to look after himself or his property since the death of his wife, 3 years previously. Their Challenge Mr B had previously been hospitalized following several falls, and was suffering from a mental health condition. Every Home Matters had been contacted by social services, and a free consultation was arranged, in the presence of a social worker. The social worker had no knowledge of the clients’ situation, outside of him being retired, and having been in hospital, and with a possible mental health condition. The social worker suggested that [...]
Case Study 1: “Miss C” Finding a new, more habitable home for this elderly lady
Finding a new more habitable home. About the Client: Miss C. “Miss C” is an 84-year-old lady, living alone. She has no family living nearby and rents her property from a Landlord. She suffers from anxiety and has been on long-term medication for this, and due to her age and health had become very isolated from the community. Their Challenge Every Home Matters was contacted by Miss C whose landlord had claimed the break clause. A break clause is a provision in a lease that enables either the landlord or the tenant, or both, to end the lease early. Miss C would have to move into an interim residence for a maximum of five months, during which time she would have to find a [...]
Carers are our Unsung and Unpaid Heroes
Carers are our unsung and unpaid heroes. Change can be difficult for many of us and learning to adjust can prove challenging for any able body person. Controlling those emotions and keeping active both mentally and physically through stressful times, is what we are all advised. This is all fine when we have good health, including mental health, independence, and mobility. Working with many vulnerable clients, we witness so many different scenarios and needs. Our concern is not only for those that are vulnerable and dependant on others to support them through these difficult times but also in circumstances where the impact is influencing the living conditions and wellbeing of the whole family. Spare a thought While we are all doing our part to help the vulnerable, [...]
Coping with illness and disability while moving home
Coping with illness and disability while moving home "Our wonderful experience with Cheryl Carter and Every Home Matters" By Mr D (Merton) "During the late summer of 2015, we were notified by our landlord that he would be selling his property that my wife and I had rented from him for 11 years. Since I was undergoing radiation therapy for cancer, and my wife had just had her knee replaced, we were in no condition to move or vacate. We applied for council and charitable housing immediately, but none was available. The landlord extended his plans to help accommodate us, but the house was sold in early December, and the new owner wanted to renovate completely. We had no option to continue the rental of [...]
When Television Is Your New Best Friend?
When television is your new best friend? A lonely child might invent an imaginary friend, but for adults, reprieve from loneliness comes from a less creative source: television. As we age, friends and family pass away or live miles away, have busy lifestyles, and so sometimes people's social circles can become smaller and they do not see anyone, hence the television is their new best friend. New studies find that humans are sating their craving for friendship by forming relationships with the people on TV. In a new article from the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, Jaye Derrick and Shira Gabriel of the University of Buffalo and Kurt Hugenberg of Miami University examine the "Social Surrogacy Hypothesis," which posits that humans are using their TV [...]
When Getting Divorced Keep A Record Of All Your Possessions
When Getting Divorced Keep A Record Of All Your Possessions. Divorce is often described as a bereavement. Accepting change can be difficult, coming to terms of the loss of a relationship, the home and sentimental possessions can soon fuel our emotions, resulting in aggression, bullying and controlling behaviour. For the person on the receiving end of this hostility, it can be very intimidating and difficult to negotiate the smallest issues, let alone the division of the home and its contents. By preparing an independent inventory of all the possession at the beginning of the divorce and copying in both solicitors, the assets can be fairly distributed. Clinging on to possessions of no value out of spite and removing items from the matrimonial home without [...]
Stress: Fight or Flight?
Stress: Fight or Flight? We never know what life has in store for us; at one moment, you could be a high flyer without a care in the world and at the next, you could be faced with a life-changing trauma, your world could be turned upside down, with the possibility of losing everything your life has been built upon. Although we all have an inbuilt sense that we should be able to cope, it is not until we are faced with certain challenging life situations that we truly know the reality of fight or flight and how we will truly react. Is it possible to prepare yourself for such situations? For me, regular running and jogging gives me a clearer mind, stamina, determination [...]
7 actions you can take to stay positive when it feels like your life is falling apart
7 actions you can take to stay positive when it feels like your life is falling apart I had the pleasure of talking to Catherine Pratt today who has these proven tips to help you in difficult times. Catherine was recently asked the following question about how to stay positive in a rough situation and I thought I’d post the answer here as I’m sure there are others going through the exact same thing. The question was, "I am doing everything I can to remain positive but it seems like my personal life is becoming harder and harder every day. I know it's important to focus on the positive and not the negative so what should I do to keep thinking positive thoughts?” Here [...]
A Guide to Cultivating Compassion in Your Life, With 7 Practices
“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” – Dalai Lama BY LEO BABAUTA I believe compassion to be one of the few things we can practice that will bring immediate and long-term happiness to our lives. I’m not talking about the short-term gratification of pleasures like sex, drugs or gambling (though I’m not knocking them), but something that will bring true and lasting happiness. The kind that sticks. The key to developing compassion in your life is to make it a daily practice. Meditate upon it in the morning (you can do it while checking email), think about it when you interact with others, and reflect on it at night. In this way, it [...]